


Nocturne in A♭ major

by pocketsfullofmice



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Future Fic, alana is awesome, and rides on top, no glove no love, will is also a virgin, will kidnaps more dogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 00:49:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocketsfullofmice/pseuds/pocketsfullofmice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three things happen in the year Will hates to think about: he becomes a vegetarian, he <s>kidnaps</s> <i>adopts</i> two new dogs and he loses his virginity at thirty-eight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nocturne in A♭ major

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nekomas_heart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekomas_heart/gifts).



> For [Britnie](http://britnie-likes-things.tumblr.com/), whose butt is so cute she could be called Buttnie. I hope you enjoy this. 
> 
> Beta'd by Charlie, who is also very cute.

After a while it just didn't seem all that important any more. High school had been rough, moving from state to state, school to school. At the time, Will had been more upset about losing the opportunity for friendship than, well, losing anything else. His first stint at college had been much the same. He'd finally settled in, collected a group of people who boarded on 'regular acquaintances' and 'friends'. He never saw them outside of class except for group projects, but they always smiled when they saw him, sometimes called him over to sit with them during lunch. 

And then his father died and he had to go back to New Orleans to bury him. The cost of the funeral and his father's lack of life insurance and successful planning for retirement had meant Will had to put his college dreams on hold. However, he had enough credit hours from college to qualify for the New Orleans Police Department. Once he'd joined, the concept of a relationship simply melted away. The horrors of homicide toyed on his mind and he didn't want to drag anyone in with him.

His second stint at college (though he struggled to think of grad school as being college) was different. He was older than most of the rest of the students, and if it was at all possible, his shyness had become slightly crippling. Thankfully he had years of experience under his belt and he didn't need to struggle with conversation so much because people only wanted answers from him. 

At some point he found himself in Virginia with his dogs. Time seemed to slip through his fingers. There was the FBI and Hobbs and Baltimore State County, and really, sex was so utterly unimportant by that point that it didn't even matter that he was thirty-eight and a virgin. He was alive and free and Jack had finally- _finally_ \- accepted his resignation letter. He had his dogs, plus two new pups he had picked up the day he was released, and his house and his own thoughts in his head for the first time in over a year. That wasn't to say his life was perfect- it was far from it. He hadn't been able to touch his fly fishing gear; it was locked upstairs in his attic, and he'd only just started to bring down his rods. He hadn't eaten meat since he had vomited into the sink, and despite the chronic anaemia, he wasn't about to start. Iron pills could fix the worst of the damage. It wasn't all awful, though. He was moving on, he was making a life for himself now.

And Alana-

When Will was off teaching, she would visit every Wednesday and Sunday. At first there were excuses; she was in the area, she had a leftover soup, she missed the dogs. Will would accept the reasons she gave without judgement and invite her inside. He enjoyed her company. Eventually she stopped making excuses and she was just there, occasionally bringing dinner, sometimes not, and not always on days he thought she'd be around. As he started to return to teaching (simply because he wasn't in a state to move back to Louisiana and he could no longer just sit at home), he began cooking for her, too. Vegetarian meals that she never questioned, never turned her nose up at. Brocollini and chilli spaghetti, zucchini and haloumi tarts, tempeh and vegetable rice paper rolls. 

Each time he made something, his mind would wander, to softer hands with longer fingers that turned cooking into a fine art. So he kept the presentation simple, refusing garnish and dressings that weren't balsamic vinegar. His wine was cheap, his beer bought in cartons, his whiskey wrapped in paper bags.

That night their meal was simple. Tacos and refried beans. Small bowls of lettuce, tomato, cheese and corn lay between them on the table, along with a small pot of chilli sauce. A tumbler of orange juice sat by Will's elbow, a half-empty glass of wine by Alana/ Will always partially expected her to question when he'd return to meat- he'd had more than a few queries in regards to his vegetarianism, which always confused him given the circumstances- but she didn't seem to care. She'd bought a pot roast around once, and after seeing it untouched in his fridge after a week, she never made the same mistake twice. The meal that night was quiet. She asked about his day, he shrugged and asked her the same. She tended to talk the most, which wasn't saying much as Will mostly responded in grunts and one-syllable answers until whiskey had loosened his tongue. He was trying to cut back on the liquor, though. He needed to.

After dinner, they'd retire outside to watch the dogs run about in the porch and moonlight. This night was no different, the two of them sitting side by side in wicker chairs. Alana was carrying the conversation, musing about an art class she wanted to do. Watercolour, he think she said. Will shrugged, his fingers itching to hold a snifter of whiskey. He wasn't really listening, his mind starting to wander, when he turned and said he could see her working with charcoal, maybe in a life art setting, when her cool fingers caught his chin and she pulled him in for a kiss.

It wasn't like last time. Last time he'd had a moment (however small) to prepare. But right then he had barely a second to realise what was going on before he felt Alana's lips on his, her fingers moving from his chin to his cheek. He wanted the kiss, he did. Alana was beautiful and kind and she didn't ask and she didn't pry. She waited patiently, occasionally giving words of encouragement, but she didn't force him. She checked in on him when he was getting stuck in his head, she offered him a rope to pull him out of the black hole of his mind. He wanted to kiss her, but he froze and couldn't immediately reciprocate.

Alana felt his unresponsive lips and pulled back, breaking the kiss almost as suddenly as it had happened. Tilting her head, she gave him a look before pulling back entirely, sitting immediately down on the wicker chair. 

'God, I'm sorry, I thought- '

'No- ' Will cut her off. He tried to follow her, his chair threatening to tilt over if he leant in too close. 'No, I- it's just been a while since, since I- since we...' Will squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. Taking a deep breath in, he took a moment to collect himself.

'Will, we don't need to- '

'No, I want to,' he said, interrupting Alana.

He'd been replaying their first- only- kiss in his head since it had happened. It had been one of the few things that had gotten him through prison, through the hospital, through the trial. It wasn't just the kiss. It had been the touch of Alana's hand at the back of his head, her fingers in his hair. The way he had felt her ever so slightly rock up onto her toes to meet him, how he could feel her heart start to race when he had placed his fingers against her wrist, her pulse point. How she had lingered close, even when she broke the kiss. He had known she had wanted to keep kissing him, as much as he wanted to do the same, he'd seen it in her eyes, the quiver of her lip, and it had been her ethics, her morals, that had kept her from doing it, and Will- it frustrated him, it ate on him, but he loved her for it, loved her, for standing her grounds.

'God, I'm sorry, I misread- '

'You didn't- '

Alana went to stand and Will caught her wrist, as though he was trying to catch her. His grip loosened instantly, though she didn't pull her hand away. 

'You didn't,' he repeated, this time less heated. 'I just- I haven't been kissed like that in a long time. People aren't exactly lining up to kiss a guy who was convicted of cannibalism. You took me by surprise. That's all.'

'Will...' 

His eyes shut at the sound of his name, the way she said it. It was like a sigh, a longing for more. He wanted to hear her say it like that again, he wanted to kiss her and hold her as she said it like that. Her hand came up to his cheek, her thumb running along the line of stubble along his cheekbone. He moved slowly, sliding off his chair and went down onto his knees. Alana's eyes were on him as he knelt next to her, his hand still resting on her wrist. He wanted to touch her, to hold her face, to run a hand through her hair. He needed permission, though; at some point it had been ingrained in him he needed to ask before he so much as touched her cheek. Closing his eyes, he rested his head on her hand, trying to calm himself. Perhaps it was more a reflection on how he viewed others touching him.

Alana finally broke Will's grasp on her wrist. He was about to open his eyes when he felt Alana's breath on his mouth, her nose against his own. His skin suddenly felt over-sensitive, his nerves hyper-aware. The first touch of her lips against his was barely enough to count as a kiss, as was the second. He finally met her lips, though, however awkwardly. Will craned his neck and kissed her, desperate for the touch of her lips, the taste of her. Her hand ran through his hair, gentle at first, enough to make him sigh. He could relax into this. Kissing was good, easy; Will didn't have a lot of experience with it, but he had enough that he could fake his way through.

Or he thought he did. He felt a short, sharp tug on his hair, at the same time Alana's teeth sank into his lower lip. It wasn't that hard. It was actually relatively light, more of teasing nip than a proper bite. It only felt sharp because it was unexpected. Startled, he forced himself back. Alana was unprepared and slipped from the chair, her eyes widening in surprise. Will tried to catch her; one hand landed on her shoulder, the other on her breast. That, in turn, made him all the more panicked. 

' _Shit_ \- '

He jerked back, skittering on the wooden boards of the porch. The force of it, though, only meant he pushed Alana back into the wicker chair. She hit the leg of it, and, unable to catch herself, she fell and landed on Will's feet. Staring at him, surprised but mostly confused, she eased off his feet and landed beside him. She looked like she wanted to touch him, but she thankfully held back, a hand hovering an inch above his shoulder. For some reason that was beyond Will right then, she didn't seem angry. Annoyed, perhaps, but mostly concerned. 

'Are you okay? Breathe, Will, c'mon- '

Irritated, he waved her hand away. Humiliation had started to roll through him. Shutting his eyes, he drew his knees up to his chest. 

'Will, _focus_. I'm not going to hurt you.'

'I'm not having a panic attack, Alana,' he snapped, just as it dawned on him he probably was. Covering his face with his hand, he looked through his fingers down at the floorboards. 'I just- I just need a moment.'

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alana purse her lips in silent doubt. She nodded, though, and sat next to him quietly. She didn't speak, thankfully, and as much as he wanted to, he didn't lean into her. He hadn't meant to frighten himself so badly when it came to kissing her, but her utterly mild forcefulness ( _eagerness?_ he wondered) had been so unexpected that Will hadn't known what else to do. He felt her hand brush against his, and though he didn't exactly take hold of it, he spread his fingers and let her own fall between them.

The dogs slowly came up to the house, and Will only had to whistle once for the rest to follow. Alana stood first. Will took his time as he struggled back onto his feet. Heading back inside, she went for her bag.

'I'll see you tomorrow, Will.'

'Yeah.' 

Licking his lips, Will kept his head down as he walked her to the door. Taking a slow breath, he waited until he heard the latch turn before he reached out and took her shoulder. Alana might have known what would happen, but he didn't. The kiss was a little off-centre, but she turned her head and caught his mouth. His hand ran down her shoulder, over her arm and to her hand. Threading their fingers together, he squeezed once and broke the kiss.

'Tomorrow?' he murmured. She might have already promised, but he needed to know for certain.

Alana nodded and turned, leaving. Tomorrow; he could psyche himself up before tomorrow. 

*

She was over again the next night. They'd missed each other at the academy, and when she had called, Will had easily picked up the concern in her voice. She was worried she'd been the cause of the panic attack and, although she hadn't said anything, he could tell she was concerned he was now avoiding her. It was, in some ways, true, but not for the reason Will guessed she thought. He knew she wouldn't bite off his lips, he knew she wasn't like- well, she wasn't like that. 

He would have preferred to have been panicked over that then his current dilemma. Inviting Alana over that evening was as much to prove to her he was fine as it was to prove to himself that he wasn't a complete fool.

That night their meal was black bean and cheese enchiladas. They ate quietly at first, but the dogs started to race under the table, knocking into their feet and nearly toppling a glass over. Will got up and let them out, leaving the porch light on so he could keep an eye on them.

They eventually retired to the couch, Alana nursing a glass of wine. Will had had a finger of whiskey, but it barely effected him, given the meal. It was a minor indulgence, more for the flavour, the comfort of it, than to be intoxicated. He still saw Alana watching him carefully; he was meant to be on mirtazapine. Meant to be.

'Alana, about yesterday- '

She took a final swig of her wine and set her glass down on the floor. Reaching out, he kept his hand above her arm but didn't actually take hold of it.

'Stop. Just let me- just sit a bit, okay? I know you're worried about... about me,' he said, trying to slow down and choose his words carefully. 'I can't blame you, you have every right to be. Things have been...'

'Fucked,' she supplied.

Will nodded. 'To say the least. But what happened last night... it wasn't that. I was dragged through the coals, but that had nothing to do with my behaviour last night. I- I was surprised. That's all. And right now, I'm not very good with surprises.'

Alana frowned and went to turn away. Sucking in a breath through his teeth, Will finally rested his hand on her wrist. His eyes settled on her skirt, the plum-coloured material, the slight sheen. Licking his lips, he kept concentrating on it as he spoke. The words were stuck on his tongue, between his teeth, but he managed to get them out. He explained in broken fragments about his anxiety, how he needed things to be planned; he explained everything but nothing about him, about her, about how he needed her to accept that he was awkward and odd in regards to this. He was trying to build up to it, but he didn't get a chance to, though, as her hand was suddenly on his. 

'Will.'

He could have sworn she hadn't been that close to him previously. Her mouth was on his all too quickly and he was pressed back to the couch. The kiss was surprising (as was the force of it), but he forced himself to calm down. He could handle kissing. Kissing was good, he enjoyed it, he was good at it (or he thought he was at least tolerable). Maybe not as good as Alana, but he could pick up what she wanted. He ran a hand through her loose hair (she liked that, he could tell, the way she pushed him back, the way she took a moment to breathe), settling in the back of her head to keep her mouth close. Kissing was good, kissing was easy. 

He could focus on just this for a while, he didn't need to think of anything else but this. He didn't consider why Alana's hand was between them, he didn't bother fighting when he felt her hand in his hair (and that was nice, that was very nice), he went easily when she moved him to kiss her neck. Kissing a neck was a lot like kissing a mouth, just less immediately responsive. But she sighed wonderfully, and he could feel it against his lips, the vibration and hum of her voice. The position was awkward, though, and he let go of the back of her head to push his hand to her chest. Alana sighed again, and rested her hand on top of Will's. He wasn't certain what she was doing as she guided it down (he wanted to move her _up_ ). He was confused by the swell of skin, the lace, but something in his mind triggered and it hit him, a wave of panic hitting him hard.

'No- fuck, no, that wasn't- '

He sat bolt up right, pulling his hand out from Alana's unbuttoned blouse. She fell backwards (he had to stop doing that to her, he had to remember she liked being close to him, that he couldn't just _do_ that), and caught herself on her arm before she hit the armrest of the couch.

'Shit, sorry, I- buttons make less noise than zips, huh? Christ, are you okay- ' Taking a breath, he held it and started to count back from a hundred in increments of seven. The panic slowly eased and by the time he reached fifty-eight, it was just a moderate anxiety.

Alana sat up and ran a hand through her hair. Her hair fell around her face, messy, tendrils curling over her shoulder and down her open blouse. Will swallowed and quickly looked away. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alana press a hand to her face and double over, her elbow to her knee.

'Jesus Christ. What is it? Have I- have I read the situation wrong between us?'

'Us?' Will echoed, suddenly confused. He hadn't know there was an “us”, a “them”. He knew there was kissing, and that was great, and apparently he was also allowed to slip his hand down her blouse. But the concept of there being more was such a foreign idea to him, that he hadn't given it much consideration.

As her eyes widened, Alana ran a hand through her hair and went to stand. Shaking her head, she swallowed hard and walked shakily to her bag. Will could see she was attempting to compose herself. Most would say she did a fantastic job of it, but he could see the tremor in her hands by the way she kept tucking her hair behind her ears.

'Jesus, I was an idiot. No, Will, don't get up, I- I was reading into the situation, and I thought I saw something that wasn't there. Just- '

'It is there,' he whispered. Alana shook her head as she hastily rebuttoned her blouse, brushing away the curls of hair that had been catching his eye. 'There is something there- _here_ -,' he corrected quickly. 'Please don't go- '

Alana laughed, sounding wet. He stood and took a couple of steps towards her. Reaching out, he rested his hand on her shoulder, letting his hand rest for the first time without taking a moment to wonder if she would allow it. Her hand came up slowly, to grasp Will's fingers. Standing quietly behind her, he ran his thumb over her fingertips, uncertain on how to approach her. Pressing his lips together, he let her stand there as he tried to sought out the right thing to say. He wanted to tell her how much he felt for her, how his pleasant dreams were always of her. How he wanted to hold her and kiss her and make up for the heartache he'd put her through over the past year. Gritting his teeth, he gently turned her, unable to make eye contact.

'It's been- it's been a long time,' he finally said, tripping over his words. 'I'm out of practice. I'm rusty.'

'Rusty?' Alana echoed, her brow raising. 'How long are we talking here?'

Will sucked in a breath through his teeth. His eyes were on the ceiling. The ceiling was good, non-judgemental.

'Nineteen,' he said, feeling his jaw pinch as he spoke. 'Years old.' He took a long breath and shut his eyes. 

'What?'

He could feel Alana's eyes on him. He didn't need to look to know she was staring at him, studying him, trying to judge if he was lying or telling the truth. Will let go of her hand, though her fingers still clasped his, cool and constant and unwavering.

'You were nineteen?' Alana asked. 'Since you- since you what?'

'Samantha Brown let me put my hand up her skirt.'

He heard Alana sigh. Opening his eyes, he saw her run her fingers through her hair with her free hand. 'And the last time you went on a date?' she asked.

'I was thirty. She had two kids. Um, we went on a very nice date to, ah, Olive Garden. Her choice, not mine,' he added hastily. 'Never heard back from her. I guess I ate too many breadsticks.'

Will expected Alana to turn and leave. She had every reason to; this was just another point on the list of reasons why Will Graham was a barely functioning adult and should be avoided. Her cheeks were red, and when he dared to look at her for more than a second, he realised she was avoiding looking at him as much as he was with her.

'Surprised?' he asked, wry.

'Not entirely,' she replied, a hint of a laugh. 'I expected you to be, ah, _shy_ , certainly. But... not this... not that- not that I hadn't, um. Expected.'

'What? Were Zeller and Price making bets on my sex life or lack thereof?' 

'I told them it was cruel.'

The corner of Will's mouth twitched. He wasn't offended or upset. It really wasn't news to him.

'I've been told I'm a fast learner.'

Alana cocked her head. A smile tugged on her lips; Will watched them, the way she tried to press them tight together, to hide the mirth threatening to bubble up. A mild panic still encapsulated Will, a fear that she would leave (that she would leave him, alone and lonely and wanting for the first time in years), but he could see her eyes brightening, he could feel the tremor in her hands disappearing.

'Are you coming onto me, Will?'

'Well, I'm not coming off.' Pausing, he frowned as Alana laughed, the tension starting to melt. Shutting his eyes tight, he shook his head. 'Sorry, that sounded better in my head.'

Alana's hand came up to rest upon Will's cheek. He startled, having not expected it, but quickly relaxed. Her thumb trailed down his jaw, her eyes moving to his lips and back up again. His tongue flicked over his lips, wetting them, as he watched Alana's eyes flutter shut. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to keep making her laugh and smile-

He had to stop thinking.

Uncertainly, he rested his hand at the base of her neck, gently nudging her up to kiss her. He felt her lips part, a soft puff of breath on his mouth. This was good, this was something he was familiar with. He enjoyed kissing, and he enjoyed kissing Alana, and, from what he could tell, she enjoyed it just as much. He knew what to do, and now that he knew she liked to bite, he could respond in kind. Part his lips, suck in a breath because it was short and painful, but she seemed to like that, and it lead to more kisses, it lead to her running her hands through his hair and her making a sound in the back of her throat that was somewhere between a laugh and a moan. And it was caused by him- it didn't matter he was awkward and inexperienced and thirty-eight. He could handle it, he could handle it all of it, right up until she took his hand and placed it on her breast.

'It's just- '

'I know,' he said, cutting her off. He was feeling her breast through her bra, her blouse. He swallowed hard, his throat clicking, as Alana's hand remained over his.

'I want you to touch me, Will,' she whispered, her voice husky.

'I want to.'

'Do you?'

Will didn't know how to reply. She wouldn't believe him if he spoke, and he wasn't bold enough to slide his hand up her blouse unguided ( _yet_ , his mind supplied). But touching over her clothes didn't seem bad, and she had said she wanted him to, and she was kissing him again, and she wanted him to, _wanted_ \- 

He lifted his hand from her neck. It hovered there, an inch away, and with a pounding heart he moved it down, following the curves of her back. As he reached her ass, he paused for a second before resting his hand on it. It was hardly anything, but he felt Alana's breath hitch, her whole body move as she rocked higher on her toes. He felt the elastic of her panties against her cheek, the way it curved down and under, to areas that he refused to think about unless he was sleep, places that left him panting and sweaty and pushing against his bed.

'That's not- ' Alana said breathlessly against his mouth.

Will half expected to be chastised when Alana's hand suddenly moved from his shoulder to the hand on her ass. She dug her fingertips into his own, causing his grip to tighten. Although he was a little confused as to why, he understood instantly that she liked it and gripped tighter. She gasped, that pretty, wanton sound, and he did it again. He moved his hand from her breast (he had no idea what to do there, and he wasn't willing yet to find out) to her back. Bracing her close to him, he bent his knees and picked her up. His hand gripped firmly, a grin forming as he felt her laugh against his mouth. As he straightened up, he was about to gloat- yeah, he was a fast learner- when he suddenly overbalanced. Alana hadn't been expected to be picked up, and she'd moved, unintentionally trying to stay on the ground.

He fell back, missing the couch, nearly crushing his tailbone. He saw Alana's eyes widen at the last second, the laugh still on her lips. The fall wasn't far enough to cause any lingering damage beyond a bruised ego. Alana had landed atop him, as graceful as could be done, her legs either side of his hips. Her skirt was rucked up by her thighs, the plum fabric creased. 

'God, I'm sorry, I didn't- '

'I need to go,' she said, her voice soft but somehow ringing out of the top of his apology. 'I have an early class.'

The words cut through Will. Nodding, he waited for her to get up, silently accepting. She didn't move, though. Her mouth was against his cheek; he could feel her panting breath, her racing heart. His hands were still on her ass. Curling his fingers, he listened as she moaned again. Touching Alana just moments earlier had left him with a low-level arousal. It wasn't one he had been planning on acting on beyond perhaps showing off. But if Alana- if she was happy to sit there- 

'You said you had to go?'

'I know what I said.'

Her hips were moving. Will didn't quite follow along until he felt her, hot and aroused against him. He kept his hands on her ass as Alana slid an arm between them. Pressing in again with his fingers, Will kept his eyes locked on Alana's flushed face. He didn't know exactly what she was doing as she pushed her skirt up, snapping back the elastic of her panties, but he knew, he knew, when her fingers found her clit. He couldn't see anything, the skirt hiding everything from his view, but he watched her face, her eyes shut, head turned up. His mind reeled as Alana gasped, her back arching as she pressed down on his erection, her knuckles pressing against his pubic bone. Craning up, his mouth found her throat. He could feel her rasping breath, each moan she made, the pounding of her heart, the exact moment she came. His name was on her lips, her voice catching at the last second. Tilting his head, he kissed her without waiting, without asking for permission, swallowing each sound that came from her mouth.

As she calmed, Will lifted his hands from her ass and wrapped his arms loosely around her, uncertain about the proper protocol. Waiting as Alana caught her breath, he kissed her cheeks, one hand rubbing gently as he felt her pull her hand free.

'Next time,' she wheezed, 'it's your hand.'

Laying on top of him, sweat clinging to her upper lip, she kissed him, slow, almost lethargic. Easing up, she moved off him, kneeling by his hip.

'I need to go, Will,' she whispered. 'You okay with that?'

Will just nodded. He was still hard, too shy to touch himself, despite the damp patch on his jeans where Alana had pressed down. 

'I'll see you tomorrow?' she asked, still whispering as she straightened her clothes out. Her skirt was rumpled, and it would take more than a hot iron to get the creases out.

Nodding again, he stood, feeling a little gangly. Helping her to her feet, he led her to the door, feeling a little in a daze. She squeezed his hand before she slid through the door, one of the dogs racing inside, his nails clacking. Will waved as he saw her car lights turn on.

'Love you,' he whispered, feeling his cheeks burn at the two quiet words.

*

The rest of the week was a blur for Alana. Will barely saw her; she never made it to dinner. They had lunch once at the academy, but the rest of the time she was with Jack, consulting for him. Since the Chesapeake disaster, he hadn't been called in. Not that he'd accept. He had initially agreed to teach two days a week. They had offered four, and he had settled on two and a half. The therapist they had offered had been told to get fucked, and for the first time, Will hadn't minced his words. The mirtazapine was kept under his kitchen sink. 

In a way he couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Jack and the rest of the BAU eating into his time with Alana, but rationally he knew that wasn't the case. That had once been him, dragging his heels when Jack had called but inevitably arriving at the sterile room.

He kept playing out what had happened over and over again in his head. Alana's mouth on his, the weight of her body. How she had pressed down against him, her knuckles against his pubic bone. He'd woken up hot and sweaty throughout the night, and for once it wasn't due to nightmares. When he saw Alana next, he blushed, cleared his throat and smiled. She knew what he was thinking; he could pick that up all too well.

She was unable to stop by until late the following week. She looked tired as she came into his house, giving the dogs a quick rub on the head as she weaved her way up the path to his door. the mutts had already been ushered out for the evening, and he'd been planning on joining them when Alana had arrived. Will knew that look all too well. The tired eyes, the ashen skin. He'd experienced it all too many times. 

'I wasn't expecting you,' he said, as he bought her a bottle of beer without being asked. 'So dinner is rather boring.'

'Define boring?' she said as she kicked off her heels and followed him to the living room-cum-bedroom. 

'Baked potato.'

'Sounds great.'

He'd set her plate down on the bookshelf. Alana headed over, tossed her bag on the floor, her jacket already thrown over the rack and fell down into the recliner. The skirt of her wrap dress fell open, exposing her knee. She grabbed the plate, rested it on her lap. Will passed her the bottle, grabbed the second plate and sat in the chair next to her. He started to eat, watching as she rubbed her feet together, flexing her toes out and rolling her ankles. The bottle swung from her fingers, the fork clinking against the plate. She hadn't taken a bite yet.

'Sorry about the simplicity of the meal,' he apologised, cutting into the potato.

'I couldn't appreciate anything complicated tonight,' she murmured. Opening her eyes, Alana blinked and squinted at the corner of the room. 'You got rid of the piano.'

'Mm-hmm. On Monday. I was thinking of getting an aviary. Fish tank.' He shrugged. He'd been meaning to get rid of it for a long time, since... well, everything. The wall was strangely blank now, the wall discoloured from where the piano had rested for a long time.

His tackle gear had been stored upstairs for months. It was only now just starting to be brought down in dribs and drabs. When the FBI had returned the gear after the trial (or had returned what had been salvageable), he'd been half tempted to burn the lot. Although he was glad he hadn't, he still entertained the thought of it.

Watching as Alana pushed her toe into the ball of her foot, Will wiggled his own toes. He wondered if he ought to offer a massage, but decided quickly not to. They hadn't spoken about the previous week, and while evidence told him that if Alana was at all uncomfortable she wouldn't be there, he couldn't shake the idea that it wouldn't happen again and they were only friends. Flexing his toes, he turned back to his meal. 

Will was always quiet when he ate. Will couldn't stand to listen to anything while he ate now, aside from idle background noise. Instrumental music as a general rule made him gag. He also hated idle chit chat and small talk. He'd rather eat in uncomfortable silence than have to suffer through a conversation about the weather. Thankfully Alana appeared to feel the same way. While she did occasionally talk, it was never forced and she never expected him to reply. That night the meal was quiet. He watched Alana lick her lips, the sauce coating her lower lip. With a swipe of her tongue she managed to get it off, and Will looked away again.

She helped carry the dishes up when they done. She stood next to him at the sink, drying as he washed. The conversation started again, quietly, heads down. It wasn't until he'd dried his hands and went to let the dogs in that Alana stopped him.

'Hey- '

He turned, halfway to the door. Alana was several feet away, drying her hands on her skirt. 

'I want you to tell me if this is okay.'

Will watched, transfixed, as Alana undid the knot that tied her dress together. It fell open delicately, the weight of the fabric pulling it off her shoulders. Swallowing hard, Will immediately averted his eyes before realising he was meant to see, he was allowed to see. Digging his fingers into his palms, he nodded.

'Yeah- yup, this is, this is, you're wearing matching underwear?'

It was a soft powder blue with an embroidered purple floral pattern. All the same, the material was lacy and sheer. Despite that, it had probably been chosen more for comfort than sexual appeal. But it was matching and it was feminine and he could see and- 

'Will?'

'I'm still here,' he said quickly, hating the way his voice cracked. His eyes finally moved up to her face as he realised he was probably staring. His cheeks were red, and a spot, low in his belly, was hot. 'You, ah, you planned this, huh?'

'I might have,' Alana admitted with no hint of shame.

Will nodded. Digging his fingers into his palms, he refused to let the simmering anxiety take over him. He wanted this, he did. Alana was beautiful and warm and soft and kind, and like he'd said so long ago, she was so very kissable. 

'You must go to the gym. I mean, you have a very nice- that is, you're attractive,' he said, biting the inside of his cheek. 'I guess what I'm saying is, I suppose the dogs can stay outside for a while longer.'

'Will?'

He looked up at the sound of his name. He hadn't realised his gaze had started to wander again, tracing the line of lace along her breast.

'I want you to come over here and take this dress off me.'

Nodding quickly, he hurried over. He could do that, that was easy. Alana reached over for him when he was close enough, and gently pulled him in, her hand on his waist. This close, he could see her nipple through the lace, the way the elastic strap dug into her shoulder, the fine embroidery. He didn't mean to stare, and he kept shutting his eyes, but she was beautiful and close to him and she had done this deliberately. 

Running his hand up her arm, licking his lips nervously, he pulled first at one sleeve and then the other. Will could feel his heart pounding, and as Alana lifted her arms free from the sleeves, he felt slightly dizzy. Breathing in hard through his nose, he held the dress in his hands. He didn't know what to do; it felt rude to just toss it aside. It was probably expensive, and he didn't want to drop it on the ground in case it got wrecked. He hadn't vacuumed in a few days and the dogs could have dragged something in that could stain it. 

Alana's cool hand rested against his cheek, drawing his attention back to her.

'You need to stop thinking,' she whispered, a teasing glint in his eye. 

She took the dress from him, folded it in half and lay it on the kitchen bench. Her gaze never left Will, her eyes running over his face, his body. Will was suddenly acutely aware of his erection, and the realisation made him suck in a breath, heat rising to his cheeks. He wanted Alana's hands on his face again, to soothe the blush. With a shaky hand, he brushed her hair from her face. He wanted to be with her, to hold her.

Stepping back, Will grabbed the hem of his henley and pulled it over his head. His hair puffed up as the neck caught on his head. He barely noticed Alana's soft laugh, but he did focus on the way she combed it back. He attempted to shake his shirt off his wrist, and finally he he it on the ground. His clothes didn't matter as much as hers. He didn't know where the boldness came from; he was just glad it was there, and that he could do something with it.

Managing to get the shirt off his arm finally, he finally closed the distance between them. Alana, for once, hadn't expected the kiss, nor the forcefulness of it. She gasped against his mouth and pressed against him. The kiss grounded Will; the press of lace and skin against his naked chest didn't startle him as much as it could have. As tempting as it was to leave his arms hanging by his side, he made himself touch her, run his hands up her sides. The curve of her waist, the soft swell where the elastic of her briefs dug in, indicative of an enjoyment of chocolate and beer. 

'This might be better if- '

Will nodded. 'Uh-huh.'

He let Alana lead the way. Her mouth stayed on his, refusing to break the kiss as she stumbled backwards, an arm reaching out behind her to guide them through the doorways to his bed. She fell down on it first, but kept a hand on Will's belly to stop him from going with her.

'Wait, just- '

Will watched, dazed, as Alana undid his belt and slacks. He wasn't sure how she did it so fast, how she could have that much dexterity when he felt like he was walking through a fog of arousal. Pulling his slacks down, leaving his boxers on (which Will was thankful for right then), she finally fell back on the bed. Stepping out of his pants, Will kept his eyes on her. The way her hair splayed out behind her on the bed, her breasts held within the lacy cups, her fingers running over her stomach. Kicking his pants away, he hesitated, deciding quickly to not lay on top of her. Too much too soon. 

Not that it mattered much. The moment he was settled beside her, she had her hand on his shoulder and was pushing him onto his back. Pinning him to the bed, she sat atop him. His eyes fluttered shut as Alana pushed back, deliberate, purposefully. It was better than last time; he could actually feel her now. 

'You like being on top, huh?'

'That a problem?'

Will shook his head. Alana laughed, gentle, and pressed back again. Running her hand down Will's naked chest, she stretched her fingers out and grabbed his wrists. He didn't need to be told what to do; he knew where she wanted them.

He could see the pale pink of her nipples through her bra, feel them through the embroidered lace. His eyes darted up to her face for a moment, then back down, his teeth worrying his lower lip. Without intending to, his hips rolled up, surprise and pleasure lighting up Alana's eyes. Reaching behind her, he sought out the clasp to her bra and started pulling at it. It didn't unlatch immediately, his fingers struggling to figure out how to do it.

'I don't- I don't understand, this- no, stop, I can- '

'Will- god, don't use your nails- '

Alana was laughing again, this time louder. Slapping his hand away, she undid it in a smooth motion and let the bra fall. Taking Will's hand, she raised it to her breast. Although his heart was pounding, it wasn't as terrifying as it had been a week before. Will didn't mind at all when she guided his hands over her, her soft, husky whispers about what she wanted- grip there, not so hard, it was okay to pinch, she liked that- and Will drank it all in, listening, learning. She was rocking against his hands, her hips moving. His panic had died long ago. 

He barely reacted when Alana finally rolled off him and started to pull his boxers down. Sure, he blushed and gurgled a little when his erection sprang free, the tip already wet, but he was more stuck on the idea that it was her, that she wanted him, that she was allowing him to fumble with her briefs. His hand lingered, waiting for Alana to take over. She knew what she wanted, she knew how to do this. He was learning, he wanted to figure this out. Sure, he could go and just do it, but he didn't want to fumble and do the wrong thing, make a mess of everything. She guided his hand down, over the soft thatch of hair, to her clit. 

Rolling onto his side, he visibly flinched when Alana took hold of his erection. He'd touched a woman before, just once, and it was half a lifetime ago. But he'd never been touched before, not by anyone else. He gasped, his eyes shutting, freezing as he felt Alana's thumb over the head of his cock. His own fingers had reached her cunt, the heat, the wetness. He rocked into her hand, curling up a little as he let out a whimpering moan.

'Sound good, Will. You sound- _ah_ \- '

Will had no idea what he'd done. Alana's hand was still over his, but it was mostly keeping it between her thighs. His thumb was over her clit, pressing slightly as he rubbed a small circle. He really had no idea what to do, and was just trying to listen to her, to figure out what she wanted by the way her leg twitched, her breath caught in her throat. Her head fell back a little, exposing her throat. 

'I want- I want you to- '

She ran her hand over Will's cock one more time before rolling away. He tried to follow, only to receive a handbag to his face. Swearing, he fell back, shaking his head. Alana reached for him, apologies already pouring from her. Her hands clasped over his face, her eyes wide.

'Shit, I didn't- are you- '

'I'm fine,' he said, waving her away. 'Nothing's bleeding.'

Whatever tension had been building up had been broken. She continued to look at him, worried, but nodded. Rubbing his nose, he squinted up at Alana, watching as she rummaged around in her bag. Pulling out a condom, she tossed the bag back off the bed, and nudged Will up to the pillows.

'God, this _was_ planned.'

'I was a Girl Guide for six years. I think ahead.'

She tore the packaging with her teeth and pulled the condom out. Will knew Alana, he knew the kind of person she was. He'd been able to feel the Implanon in her arm, and while he couldn't account for her sexual history, he imagined she'd always been on top of it. The condom wasn't for her; it was for him. She didn't want him coming early. As embarrassing as that thought was, he had to admit it made sense. 

Pursing his lips together, he watched as she rolled it on, flicking the packaging away with her other hand. Leaning over, she kissed him, slowly, pressing him back into the pillow as she swung her leg over, kneeling atop him. Catching his lower lip between her teeth, she bit down gently as she took hold of his cock and slowly sank down on him. Will gasped, holding his breath as he shut his eyes tight, his hands digging into the sheets. 

The condom helped. It was thin enough that he could feel her, tight and hot, but he was already close and the barrier kept him from teetering over. He didn't want to spill over yet, the mere idea of it shameful. His hands went to her hips, holding her still as she settled atop him. He could hear her panting, could imagine her skin flushed pink, her dark hair curling beautifully over her chest. 

'C'mon, Will, open your eyes, it's not fun if you're not looking.'

Doing so seemed impossible. Somehow he managed, though, his vision foggy. 

'God, you're gorgeous.'

Alana gave a crooked, toothy grin. 'Flattery will get you anywhere.'

Will's laugh came out as a moan. She leant against him, one hand in his hair, the other propping her up on the pillow. She knew what she wanted, and Will was more than happy to let her do it. That didn't mean he couldn't help, though. She had shown him the week before what she enjoyed, and he could easily replicate that. Sliding his hands down, he gripped her ass, his mouth to her neck. He felt her gasp again, much like he had before, each noise that came from her vibrating against his lips.

Releasing Will's hair, Alana's hand pressed between them, seeking out her clit. While Will did consider offering to help, he knew he had no idea what she actually liked. Besides, from her expression, her fluttering eyes, her parted lips, she seemed to be perfectly happy on her own. His first attempts at meeting her rocking her hips were fairly poor, and he couldn't quite figure out what to do. He watched them, felt the movement of her muscles in his hips, and slowly started to roll with her, the motion of it like a wave. He could sink into it, sink into her.

Arching her back, she dragged herself up slowly, the tip of his cock inside her. Craning his neck, he pulled himself up and ran his tongue over her breast. He had no idea what was compelling him to do it, but he wanted to impress her, he wanted to impress himself. Alana cried out, partially in surprise, and grabbed the back of his head again, her other hand still between them. Tilting his head to get a better angle, he parted his lips and took her nipple into his mouth. His teeth grazed slightly, testing to see how much she wanted it, what she actually liked. 

At the touch of his teeth, she tightened around his cock. Will was already teetering on the edge, and that was enough to set him off. He came with a cry, his mouth against her breast, both his hands digging into her. He was a touch embarrassed with how quick it was, but he was so far removed from the rational part of his mind that he didn't care. His hips rocked up, meeting her mid-thrust, hard enough to catch her by surprise. She yelped and tugged roughly at his hair.

He was faintly aware of Alana falling off him and collapsing on the bed beside him. He was sweaty, sticky, and he felt like he'd been hit with a truck. He was partly surprised Alana didn't curl up beside him, but he could barely move himself. Unexpectedly, he felt her pull the condom off him, turning a little red when he realised he probably ought to have done that himself.

'I didn't- you didn't, um. I'm sorry I didn't help with the, ah- '

'Don't apologise,' she breathed. 'The fact you care about my own orgasm speaks enough.'

Will laughed, sounding strained. Running a hand through his hair, he took a slow breath and eased onto his side. Tucking an elbow under his arm, he looked over Alana's profile. Her red cheeks, her lower lip, bitten and swollen. As he kissed her cheek, he let his hand ghost down her sternum, her belly, his fingertips brushing over her skin until he reached her clit.

'It shouldn't be enough,' he whispered. 'But I'm gonna need your help.'

Alana let out a gentle sigh at the touch of his fingers. Her hand moved down to lay over his, repositioning it how she wanted it.

'How very generous,' she murmured. 'Here, I want you to move- '

With her free hand, she nudged Will over. She pulled his knee between her leg and pressed down against it, slick, still aroused. Her other fingers pushed into Will's, rocking against him. 

'I want you to use your mouth like you did before,' she sighed. 

Although he wasn't entirely sure what she meant, he nodded all the same. Thankfully her hand came up to guide him to her breast, her teeth biting into her lower lip. His teeth grazed over her nipple, tugging it as she arched up against his mouth, his knee. He was still half-hard, and though he wouldn't be able to come again, he still rubbed against her hip. He smeared a line of kisses along the valley between her breasts and up to her neck, leaving a hot puff of air against the faintly bruised spot he had already caused.

Alana batted his hand away finally and replaced it directly with her own. Will let her; he didn't want to get in the way. His hand settled on her hip, helping her rock against his knee. His mouth continued up to her ear, nipping at the lobe. The position also meant he could hear her, each click in her voice, each catch of breath. Her back arched again, her fingers twisting against his hair. She came with a loud breath, curling up against Will, her hand slipping from his neck and raking down his back. Her forehead pressed against his shoulder, her skin slippery with sweat. Her foot ran up the back of Will's leg and back down.

'God.'

She settled back, head to the pillow. Will counted back from five before moving off her, settling in close beside her. She had her hand to her face, her chest rising and falling as she gulped down air. Her belly was still twitching, her toes curling and uncurling. Gently laying his hand down on the back of her wrist, he watched as she twitched and quickly calmed.

'Good?'

'You could say that.'

With a laugh, Will curled in and rested his cheek against Alana's shoulder. She made a curious noise from the back of her throat.

'So you're a cuddler.'

'Is that a bad thing?' he asked, fighting the urge to pull away.

'No. It's rather pleasant, given- ' She cleared her throat. 'It's bad etiquette to talk about previous partners for pillow talk.'

Shutting his eyes, Will just nodded. He could listen later; right then he just wanted to lay there. Giving a jaw-cracking yawn, he took a slow breath in. Outside, one of his dogs howled. His gut dropped. As his brows furrowed together, another one started, then a third. He'd need to let them in. The neighbours weren't close enough to complain, but it would become a headache if he didn't let them in. Groaning, he flopped onto his back, the cool night air finally biting his skin. He felt Alana move to sit up. Sitting up with her, he was a little caught off guard when she kissed his cheek.

'Let them in and meet me in the shower.'

It took a second for the words to sink in. By then, she was already out of bed and heading out of the room. His eyes lingered on her ass, a smile twitching on his lips. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he went to go about doing what she had said; he didn't mind learning from her.

*

Will leant Alana his bathrobe the following morning. Although it had become threadbare in places, it still puffed around her shoulders and neck like an oversized ostrich feather boa. He slipped into a pair of pyjama pants for breakfast; despite what had happened the night before, he still felt compelled to cover himself.

Alana was still flushed in the cheeks, her hair far more curly than he'd ever seen it. His own had frizzed out into a halo around his head. She kept stroking it as she passed him, to or from the bathroom, to the kitchen table, picking up the carton of juice from the counter. Will accepted every touch, quietly, almost submissively. He wasn't usually a morning person, and though he was in a better mood than most (all) days, he was still experiencing a low thrum of anxiety about whether he'd been up to par.

'You enjoy last night?' she asked, picking up on his silence.

'Yes,' he said, quickly. 'You think I'm about to say no? I had a- well, I'm not going to say no to round two. But did you- I was okay with my- ' He waved his fingers, unable to fully articulate. She was sitting beside him, and she laughed as he waved his hand in front of her face.

A slow smirk spread on Alana's face. She set her fork down into the half-empty bowl of cereal.

'Of course. You're quick on the uptake- no surprise there. I'd prefer you to eat me out next time.'

Due to his anxiety, Will didn't immediately pick up on what she said. Frowning, he squinted at her and rubbed the side of his nose. He didn't fully understand what she meant.

'There's a vegetarian restaurant just on the state line, though I'd need to make a reservation. But, ah, I'm sorry if dinner was a bit lacking last- what's funny?'

Immediately a rush of embarrassment hit Will as he realised he'd missed out an important detail. Alana had her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with laughter. Feeling his cheeks burn, he pursed his lips tight and cleared his throat.

'I didn't- what did I miss?'

Shaking her head, Alana rubbed her eye. 'I said, I want you to go down on me. Not take me out to a restaurant- though that would be nice.'

Will's eyes widened, his cheeks still pink. 'Oh. Well. I don't think Sunflower Restaurant would allow that kind of behaviour, anyway.'

His lips twitched a little as he wondered over what she had said. Her frankness about her sexuality, her healthy appetite, surprised him, but also pleased him. Because Will, he'd wanted to express himself sexually for most of his life. It was frustrating; he'd wished he was asexual for a long time, it had it almost infuriated him at times, to wake up aroused and wanting and desperate for human touch and to never feel like he could get it. And from Alana's behaviour- the way she kissed him then, gave a soft pull of his hair, it definitely seemed like she was willing to lead him through this. 

That wasn't to say his other issues were gone. They were still very much there, bubbling beneath the surface. And so were Alana's; he could see it on her face, when she counted the nine dogs that ran out of the house, a silent worry that Will was hiding behind a mess of fur and slobber. He left the kitchen to shower and returned to find the mirtazapine on his bedside table, next to a glass of water. He looked over to Alana, who was in the middle of getting changed, with her back to him. He sighed, downed the tablets and went to find a clean pair of socks.

His phone rang once, long enough for Jack Crawford's name to appear on the caller ID. Will didn't answer, and a message wasn't left. He let out a slow breath and shoved the socks on.

'He's conflicted,' Alana said softly, sitting next to him to step into her shoes. They were driving in together, and were going to stop at her house so she could change. 'He wants you back on the field, but he knows it's not good for you.'

'I'm not angry with him,' Will said quickly, partially interrupting her. 'If I had the same evidence he had... If I had the only evidence he had. He didn't want it to be me. I think he didn't even believe it was me. But when the evidence is there...'

He lay his hand over Alana's. His conversations with Jack had been only cursory since the trial had been over. Maybe he'd call him. Check in with him and Bella. Nothing professional, but just a call between distant friends. He could do that.

Ushering the dogs back inside (Winston had somehow become the pack leader), he walked with Alana to her car. He didn't ask how he was going to get home. There was the quiet expectation that he'd book a reservation at the restaurant he had mentioned for that evening. He could do that; it was a small step into the world again, but it was one he could manage. He had Alana's hand to hold onto.


End file.
